We are back home from our awesome vacation. I don't have the pictures that my mom took so I'm going to wait to tell all about it. (She has the camera out boating). To bad because Whitney is sleeping and my hubby is home to watch her.
So an update on Whitney is that she still is not eating very well and always throwing up. She vomited in her car seat a few times on our trip and almost once or twice a day. On vacation in Utah there were a lot of other babies and kids showing her how to eat and some moms would offer her a spoon full while feeding there babies and Whitney would just turn her head and cry. They thought it unusual (which is true) and I thought their babies eating was amazing!
The day after we got home, I put Whitney in her chair for breakfast and tried to feed her some baby yogurt. To my amazement she took about 25 bites in a row! Willingly! But later that day she threw up a few times and acted really tired. The next two days she wouldn't take any solids but some spaghetti O's and threw that up. I did put her back on the Alimentum Formula so that might be it too. I know she's not getting enough volume so that can't be why she is vomiting so much. Unusually Whitney threw up at 1 AM last night after only receiving 40 mL's of formula (night drip).
Before our 2 vacations I was trying to ween her off of the NG tube but her weight gain was not great. Even though I hate tube feeding her all the time and replacing the tube and her face getting sore from it. Whitney is clearly not ready to be without the NG tube, unfortunately. So I do my best to make sure she gets enough food a day to help her brain grow and body be strong. I must say this is quite the daily battle. During our lunch prayer, Thomas prayed that Whitney would tolerate her food, right after that she threw every thing up.... I really don't understand sometimes....but there must be a reason right?
Well, I can't believe that my baby will soon be ONE! In less than 2 weeks! I'm so nervous and excited. I know that a ton of other moms always like to talk about this time last year but for some reason I really don't like thinking about this time last year....(of course now I am though, haha.) I know someone who lost one of her twin boys to CDH a couple years ago and her blog about it breaks my heart. At first I wanted her to 'get over it' but now I see no way how to. "your baby has gone to heaven, he doesn't need to suffer through this life" I thought. But when you fight so hard for so long to keep that baby alive, while his brother is healthy....you really can't get over it.
Because even though I hate to talk about it, I think about what we went though with Whitney ALL the time. During the day time I'm okay but when I'm falling asleep my thoughts always seem to wonder to 'those days'. Sometimes to when I was pregnant, I was really sick for months, then I felt better, then the next month I learned my baby had something abnormal in her chest and was depressed for the rest of the pregnancy. Or the actual day she was diagnosed with CDH. About all the Dr. visits and tests done on us. And the saddest....the day she was born. I always think about that dark, sad NICU, having to 'visit' my daughter. Always washing my hands, being told how she is, and taking pictures. But like I said, I don't really like to talk about it or how 'strong' I was through all of this, but sometimes it is good to write about it and maybe one day I will stop dreaming about it.
I hope to one day see the blessing that come out of all this pain, whether for me or her or from others.